Death Leaves a Heartache That no one Can Heal… In Memory of Mrs Jennie Deavin!<3

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I guess you can say that eighteen years old, I am quite lucky to be going through my first grieving process, I knew it would hurt but I massively underestimated how difficult it would be.

I don’t know how to live, how to get up each morning and carry on with the things that I have to do. I sit by my window everyday and see people walk past really happy, knowing that they are lucky enough not to deal with the exact loss my family and I have. The only comfort I get from carrying on is knowing that I would be making my auntie proud.

She was the most positive, outgoing, inspirational lady I had the huge honour of having in my life. Even during her five year battle with Cancer, she never once complained or never said “why me?”. Even up until the point that she started getting crucially poorly, she sat at her desk at the hotel she proudly owned and did all the work she could to help out and obviously make sure everything was in order and the way it should be. She pushed herself round a grass track in a manual wheelchair at last years Relay For Life, an event that as a family we all take part in to raise money for Cancer Research UK. Jennie was determined to complete that lap, no matter how hard it was and she wouldn’t let anyone help her! My admiration for her is forever ongoing and that will never change.

She was my best friend always, but especially the last five years. She understood how it was for me, neither of us could do the little things like cut up food in a restaurant, she understood how annoying it was to get the stares from strangers or the sympathy which she never once wanted. I can remember everyone getting together for my seventeenth birthday, Jennie was sat opposite to me and saw how stressed out I was getting with everyone asking me if I was okay because my leg was shaking. She turned around and said “oh for god sake, can you stop asking her if she is okay… If she wasn’t she can tell you”. That is when I  realised that someone actually understood how I was feeling finally.

In the week leading up to her gaining her angel wings I sat round her bed in her flat, on the first day she said to me “Oh how lovely it is to see you and that beautiful smile!” shortly followed by “I have always told you to be a model… I need that picture next to my bed Rosie” then “You should play the piano with how long your fingers are”. Obviously, as the days went by she got worse, but the memories that were shared (and the amount of Mini Eggs that were eaten by everyone) will be remembered forever.

I cry every night and think about her everyday, I am currently waiting for the star right opposite my bedroom window to appear to let me know she’s there. I am so proud of every single one of my family, but especially Rosie-Rachel, James and Russel, I know she always has been and always will be proud and grateful of you all!

One month gone, but the pain hasn’t faded and it never will be the same without you, we all know that you’re pain free up there now, but we’re hoping that everyone who is up there with you are keeping those lists in the right order?!  You are a hero, an inspiration, someone to admire, basically a comedian, an idol and the best family member anyone could ask for!

Sleep tight our Duracell Bunny, we love and miss you always! 05.04.17<3

 

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